if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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