We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
