we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
