i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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