end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this will be a night to untag.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
