So drunk its hurt
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
