just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
