he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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