Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize