i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
