Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
