Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
