hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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