Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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