hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
