dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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