grandma shit on top of the toilet
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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