I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
