Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
