Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
