You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
