You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
