i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wear drunk well.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
