Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How naked do you want me to be?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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