apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the condom got lost in my hair
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
