Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
