dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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