he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
