Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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