do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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