I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
