she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
