I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
