Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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