we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
