you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
