I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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