ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
