So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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