Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize