Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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