She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
