you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
