I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
