How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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