Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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