i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
