Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
