Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
