Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
