so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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