so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize