i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
