not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
