speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
