I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
