Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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