man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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