I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize