you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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