My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
