I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
