I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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